I was sitting in my bedroom this morning reflecting on my life thus far. I came to the realization that my entire life has been consumed by my obsession with my physical appearance.

Since about sixteen, I have fought eating disorder after eating disorder. First anorexia, then compulsive eating and bulimia. I battled between the last two disorders today.

It's a hard truth to admit. The truth leaves me in a very vulnerable position. Many friends and family members may think differently of me after reading this story. However, I think the only way I am ever going to change is to admit I do have a problem.

Denial is so much easier than coming to terms with an eating disorder, or any other issue for that matter. I would tell myself that I don't have a problem; I only purge on occasion. Of course, no one with a normal relationship with food would feel so guilty after over-eating that they would run to the bathroom and do such a thing.

I look back at all the wasted, unproductive time I have utilized planning my next diet, weight-loss goal, and exercise regime of which I rarely followed through with, and can't help but ask myself, "Is this how the rest of my life is going to play out? Am I going to continue on this same path to self-destruction?"

I can't bare to imagine life passing me by when I never gave myself a chance to actually live it! My soul cries out to think about waking up one morning to find myself seventy years old and still 30 pounds over-weight, still miserable and obsessed with something so insignificant! Realizing that all was for nothing. What a sad future I have set before myself, or have I?

Part of the reason why I have started this blog is in hopes that maybe, through my struggles and triumphs, someone will read it who is going through similar battles and it will encourage them to keep fighting for the freedom that Christ gave us on the cross. The freedom from the flesh that binds and controls us.

I gave my life to Christ about two and a half years ago. Since then, He has broke the bond of alcoholism in my life. I haven't touched a drop, nor do I plan to. I was, what Christians call, "on fire" for God when I was first saved; however, since then, I have let the cares of the world choke the Word out of me like thorns.

I will continue to fight the good fight of faith. I truly believe that the only true, permanent way to change is through renewing your mind in the Word of God. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13 "With God, nothing shall be impossible." Luke 1:37.


Yours In Christ,

Stephanie


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1 comments:

Wow. That's all I have to say after reading this. Obviously your journey has been long and hard, you should be so proud of yourself for where you are today. Keep your chin up, you'll reach your goal :)

November 7, 2008 at 11:34 PM  

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